4 Things to Consider
May 30, 2024
I’m by no means an expert, but I do know this has been a huge learning curve and roller coaster ride for Ryan and me. We have learned a whole lot more about each other since we have been working together. Here are 4 things to consider when exploring the option to buy a business with your spouse or life partner.
- If you’ve never worked together, be ready to give each other some grace.
- Setting boundaries and sticking to them is a good thing 80% of the time.
- Take time and define your individual roles and areas where it’s okay let roles get blurry.
- Take time to be a couple first, your marriage is more important than the business.
Giving Grace
Ryan and I worked together in college at a restaurant on the square in Bloomington, Indiana. That’s how we met. I was a front of house shift manager and he was a server. It wasn’t love at first sight, it was hmmmm interesting at first site. :) That is the last time we worked together.
I knew about Ryan and his work ethic strictly from him and occasionally from his colleagues, but never from an intimate experience. It was a shock for me and I’m sure I was a shock for him. We have very different management styles, ideas for how things should be accomplished and time management skills.
Ryan is our creative and idealist. He likes white-board strategy sessions, big ideas and creating beautiful and moving pieces of collateral or art. I am very logistics and operations focused, I like a mean looking spreadsheet. I like to write down my engagements in a planner, Ryan prefers a digital calendar.
We are STILL learning how to give each other grace in our weaker areas and there are weeks where we have to start fresh with each other daily. Go in with eyes wide open, prepare to be pleasantly surprised and give each other the grace they deserve even when you don’t feel like it.
Sticking to boundaries 80% of the time
I’m good at spreadsheets and numbers, Ryan’s good at relationships, seeing the big picture and walking clients through the process of turning their house into a home. Ryan wants things done instantly, I sometimes take longer than I should. We’ve had many a discussion about the division of labor for both the business and our household and more than a few of those discussions ended in a “stay in your lane” comment.
We’re still learning where to give and take and establishing the center line. Often times, it gets blurred and we swerve all over the road. But if we stick to our strengths and let each other do the work in time, we’re both happier and healthier. That 20%, that’s for giving grace.
Defining Roles
We’re still figuring this part out. For a long while I have been the home and child caretaker. That feels like my domain, even though I worked part-time through most of that. I’m the air traffic controller of our activities, playdates, social events, and laundry schedule and Ryan went to work, brought in our income and supported kids where needed. What’s the saying, Old Habits are the hardest to break? We’re barely 2 years in to this new normal and we’re still working on balancing out these habits of homemaker and bread winner (for lack of better wording).
Our most demanding business requires someone be on location and present. Those responsibilities have fallen to Ryan based on the industry and type of work. The responsibilities I am managing are easily done remotely and off sight allowing me to still manage our home life. We’re bringing that more in alignment for Ryan to be more flexible and off sight.
The lesson - we didn’t define these roles, they naturally happened. We’re working hard to restructure this for more balance for both of us and our family. Had we defined roles from Day 1, I don’t know if we would be in a different place, but we may have spent less time figuring it out and more time accepting our roles.
Take time to be a couple
We are not good at this one. It’s like when you go out to dinner and all you talk about is your kids, but maybe worse. Alone time becomes a planning session. My dad owned a business when I was growing up and my mom always said she never could have worked there. When I look back on that time of life, I can see that she was trying to protect their marriage and relationship. She loves her job and that was hers and hers alone. She didn’t have to be wife, mom, daughter, she got to be just her. She wouldn’t have had that if being in business with my dad.
We’re working on this one, it’s taking time. We are still so new into this process, that again, it’s an old habit that needs reworking. We are striving to be intentional with setting time aside for just us, its a work in process and we’ll continue to share our progress.
This adventure has been a roller coaster so far and I’m sure there’s a whole second part to the ride that I’ve yet to encounter. We learn something new and strengthen ourselves daily and in return, each day we discover a little bit more of ourselves.